A lot of my clients come to me feeling stuck in situations they can’t control whether it’s a disability, a tough life event, or just the unpredictability of being human. And, more often than not, they ask me things like:
- I don’t get how talking about this is going to help.
- What can I do to stop feeling like this?
And my response, in one way or another, always comes back to this:
‘Suffering is Part of Being Human’
Initially it might sound depressing I know, but pain is part of the deal when it comes to being human. It shows up in loss, rejection, loneliness, uncertainty, and grief. No one escapes it. And yet, we spend so much of our time trying to avoid it, outrun it, or pretend it isn’t there. We act like suffering is some kind of glitch in the system—something to get rid of, rather than something to understand.
But what if pain wasn’t just an obstacle to happiness?
What if it was actually part of what makes us human?
Feeling deeply isn’t a flaw. It’s proof that you’re alive.
The Problem with Avoiding Pain
We live in a world that loves quick fixes. It’s easier to scroll through TikTok, work late, drink, game, or distract ourselves than it is to sit with our pain. We push down the parts of ourselves that hurt instead of actually listening to them. But avoidance doesn’t make pain go away it just buries it deeper. Unprocessed pain doesn’t disappear. It lingers in your body, your relationships, your choices. It morphs us into someone we barely recognise.
What It Means to Sit with Your Emotions
What if, instead of trying to escape suffering, we made space for it? What if we actually let ourselves feel it, notice where it sits in our body, and be present with it without judgment?
Sitting with your emotions doesn’t mean drowning in them. It means allowing yourself to feel whether that’s grief, anger, or fear without shame. It’s about holding space for what’s going on inside you, rather than trying to fight it. When we stop resisting emotions, they move through us instead of defining us.
Imagine you’re stuck in quicksand. The more you fight, the deeper you sink. But if you stop struggling and stay still, you give yourself a chance to breathe, to find solid ground. That’s what it means to sit with your emotions.
Self-compassion is key here. Pain doesn’t make you weak. Struggling doesn’t make you broken. You are not your suffering it’s just something you carry for a while.
Living in Line with Your Values Even When It Hurts
Healing isn’t about getting rid of pain. It’s about deciding who you want to be in the middle of it. When I sit with a client who feels overwhelmed by anxiety, depression, or grief, I might ask the following questions which I knicked off a very smart friend a few years ago:
- If we made space for these feelings, who do you want to be despite them?
- Can we allow these emotions to exist and still make choices that align with your values?
For example, if someone is grieving, making space for pain might mean letting themselves cry and miss their loved one while still showing up for family, honouring memories, or reaching out for support instead of shutting down.
If someone struggles with social anxiety, it might mean acknowledging the fear but still choosing to connect sending a message, showing up at a gathering for even a short while, being present even when their heart is racing.
We can hold sadness and still move towards the life we want. We can still hold sadness and be our authentic self.
Embracing the Full Human Experience
So next time suffering comes knocking, don’t shut the door. Let it in. Sit with it. Listen to what it has to say. Our emotions are like a check engine light for our brain. But, when it’s ready to leave, let it go because you are so much more than your depression, anxiety, grief or pain.
by Sheyan Gunapala
