– “I don’t want to label them.”
– “I don’t want them to feel judged.”
– “I don’t want them to feel different.”
A common conversation I often have with Sri Lankan and South Asian parents is about labels for their children. But, it’s important to realise that people are already labeling your child, whether that’s your preference or not. Human beings naturally try to make sense of what we don’t understand by using labels.
Understanding the Impact of Labels
Take autism, for example. Without understanding your child’s neurotype, teachers and peers may see their differences as simply being difficult. With ADHD, they could be seen as lazy. With dyslexia, they might be perceived as unwilling to try tasks. We can’t avoid labels, but we can control what these labels mean and how they are used.
Turning Self-Criticism into Self-Compassion
A label can turn self-criticism into self-compassion. If your child is undiagnosed autistic, their self-talk might be, “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why are things so hard for me?” A label can show them that they are not defective, just different. This can transform criticism into self-compassion, such as, “I am not defective; I just have a different social style.”
Access to Accommodations
Labels can also help provide a better understanding of a child’s behaviour, which in turn provides access to accommodations to help neurodivergent kids function in a neurotypical world. With a label, access to rest breaks, quieter exam spaces, or detailed task breakdowns becomes available. As parents, you’ll also gain more understanding of why your child may have certain difficulties, and this can help you work with a professional to create strategies that best support them.
We can’t avoid labels, but we can ensure they serve a positive and supportive role in our children’s lives.
Written By Sheyan Gunapala (Psychologist)
